Wednesday, October 13, 2004

gnat

gnat
into and out of my face

3 Comments:

Blogger duchamp said...

i wonder if this works.

firstly, as a two liner.

secondly, i wonder that i've heard something like this before.

the experience is nothing new...during the summer it happens all the time with flies. now, in autumn, there seem to be these little gnats flying around a bit.

9:37 AM  
Blogger extraspecialbitter said...

John,

I like it - a universal experience expressed in a non-traditional way. It works as a two-liner, but I think there's plenty of room for experimentation. I'm not very good at "concrete" haiku (I think of some of the work of Raffael de Grutola and Carlos Colon), but I can imagine something even as simple as
rendering the haiku into four lines:


gnat
into
and out of
my face


plenty of opportunity to play. Thanks!

Paul

11:21 AM  
Blogger sangeet said...

Hi Paul! and John!
Good to see this working!
I think it works as a 2 liner, but must say that I like the 4 liner better.. the brevity, and the line breaks accentuate the actions for me.

Thanks for sharing..

2:45 PM  

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