secondly, i wonder that i've heard something like this before.
the experience is nothing new...during the summer it happens all the time with flies. now, in autumn, there seem to be these little gnats flying around a bit.
I like it - a universal experience expressed in a non-traditional way. It works as a two-liner, but I think there's plenty of room for experimentation. I'm not very good at "concrete" haiku (I think of some of the work of Raffael de Grutola and Carlos Colon), but I can imagine something even as simple as rendering the haiku into four lines:
Hi Paul! and John! Good to see this working! I think it works as a 2 liner, but must say that I like the 4 liner better.. the brevity, and the line breaks accentuate the actions for me.
3 Comments:
i wonder if this works.
firstly, as a two liner.
secondly, i wonder that i've heard something like this before.
the experience is nothing new...during the summer it happens all the time with flies. now, in autumn, there seem to be these little gnats flying around a bit.
John,
I like it - a universal experience expressed in a non-traditional way. It works as a two-liner, but I think there's plenty of room for experimentation. I'm not very good at "concrete" haiku (I think of some of the work of Raffael de Grutola and Carlos Colon), but I can imagine something even as simple as
rendering the haiku into four lines:
gnat
into
and out of
my face
plenty of opportunity to play. Thanks!
Paul
Hi Paul! and John!
Good to see this working!
I think it works as a 2 liner, but must say that I like the 4 liner better.. the brevity, and the line breaks accentuate the actions for me.
Thanks for sharing..
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