Wednesday, March 30, 2005

blackbird in Belize

Has it already been more than a month since any of us has posted to haikuworkshop? Sigh.

I’ve been wrestling with the image of blackbirds in Maya Beach, Belize, where Mary and I recently spent 9 very pleasant, winter-free days. I was struck by the fact that so many of these pitch-black birds seemed undisturbed by the hot sun. If I were a blackbird in a tropical climate, I’d be nocturnal!

A related haiku began:
Maya Beach sunrise —
the blackbird’s
long shadow

Then I decided that it wasn’t all that important to note the specific place, and that it was redundant to describe a shadow at sunrise as “long”. I wonder, however, if I’ve taken my editing a bit too far...
sunrise —
blackbird’s
shadow

5 Comments:

Blogger sangeet said...

Hi all : its been a long time!
I like the first version better: it sets the scene for me. There is something that is added by the place name. It suggets more than just any blackbirds, or any sunrise..There is something about the whole description..
I like it!

Sangeet :)

6:51 PM  
Blogger karin said...

Everybody still asleep -
the black silhouette on the roof
rules

This is about a Swedish blackbird in the city of Stockholm. In Swedish it's a tanka, five lines.

Triumfatoriskt
över alla hustaken -
drillar koltrasten.
Silhuetten mot himlen
tar rymden i besittning

10:19 AM  
Blogger USpace said...

Nice one, great image! I like what the 'beach' can add though.

Maybe: sunrise on the beach


absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
outlaw haiku...


PS - Here's a cool site which will exchange links with you:
http://poetswhoblog.blogspot.com/
.

6:43 PM  
Blogger mattku said...

I agree that the long shadows at sunrise is redundant. When I was reading the poem I pictured long shadows before line three. But you did pare it down too far I think. I do also like having the name of the location. It gives personality and mystery to the blackbirds.

11:40 AM  
Blogger AMIT said...

late harvest...
the grasshopper perches
on bent rice stalk

Haiku Poems

5:42 AM  

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