blackbird in Belize
Has it already been more than a month since any of us has posted to haikuworkshop? Sigh.
I’ve been wrestling with the image of blackbirds in Maya Beach, Belize, where Mary and I recently spent 9 very pleasant, winter-free days. I was struck by the fact that so many of these pitch-black birds seemed undisturbed by the hot sun. If I were a blackbird in a tropical climate, I’d be nocturnal!
A related haiku began:
Then I decided that it wasn’t all that important to note the specific place, and that it was redundant to describe a shadow at sunrise as “long”. I wonder, however, if I’ve taken my editing a bit too far...
I’ve been wrestling with the image of blackbirds in Maya Beach, Belize, where Mary and I recently spent 9 very pleasant, winter-free days. I was struck by the fact that so many of these pitch-black birds seemed undisturbed by the hot sun. If I were a blackbird in a tropical climate, I’d be nocturnal!
A related haiku began:
Maya Beach sunrise —
the blackbird’s
long shadow
Then I decided that it wasn’t all that important to note the specific place, and that it was redundant to describe a shadow at sunrise as “long”. I wonder, however, if I’ve taken my editing a bit too far...
sunrise —
blackbird’s
shadow
posted by extraspecialbitter at 2:22 PM
4 Comments:
Hi all : its been a long time!
I like the first version better: it sets the scene for me. There is something that is added by the place name. It suggets more than just any blackbirds, or any sunrise..There is something about the whole description..
I like it!
Sangeet :)
Nice one, great image! I like what the 'beach' can add though.
Maybe: sunrise on the beach
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
outlaw haiku...
PS - Here's a cool site which will exchange links with you:
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I agree that the long shadows at sunrise is redundant. When I was reading the poem I pictured long shadows before line three. But you did pare it down too far I think. I do also like having the name of the location. It gives personality and mystery to the blackbirds.
late harvest...
the grasshopper perches
on bent rice stalk
Haiku Poems
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