drag
Mary took this photo as part of our Subway Serenade presentation for HNA 2003 in New York, but I never managed to write a haiku that I thought was worthy of it. A year and a half later, I thought I'd try again. C&C would be appreciated.
out in the fresh air
the old woman takes a long drag
on her cigarette
posted by extraspecialbitter at 9:30 PM
2 Comments:
Hi esb :)
I would remove the word out on the first line..
I like the contrast of fresh air.. and long drag..
Another idea would be to give the setting - ie on a bench eg.
alone on a bench
the old woman takes a long drag
on her cigarette
Thanks for the Haiku!
Sangeet
Sangeet - thank you for the feedback! I agree that I can be more specific about the setting. Perhaps:
park bench
the old woman takes a long drag
on her cigarette
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