Saturday, November 06, 2004

Bad reception..

What do you think? Do any of them work? If they do, which works best?

bad reception -
our conversation
stopped

bad reception
our conversation
in mid-air

bad reception
our conversation
stopped in mid air

Thanks,
Sangeet

3 Comments:

Blogger duchamp said...

is this about cell phone reception?

if yes, then there are a couple of alternatives:

bad reception usually leads to either

gaps in reception

or

complete disconnection.

i'm guessing that being the conversation was "stopped," then you were disconnected. so bad reception maybe isn't the best first line. was there something that caused the disconnection? in my case, just walking to a wrong spot in our house can cause a disconnection, since we live in a sort of river valley. as well, when people talk on trains, going under a bridge, or behind something, can cause disconnections.

6:59 PM  
Blogger extraspecialbitter said...

I agree with John that "bad reception" might not be the best first line. It is the cause, and the second and third lines are the effect. I would recommend a line (or two) that provide a juxtaposition instead.

Maybe something like:

entering a tunnel
the cell phone
grows silent

?

9:28 PM  
Blogger sangeet said...

thanks for the feedback! You're quite right. I had hit a deadspot whilst driving and speaking using my hands free kit, and this friend of mine and I were in the middle of a conversation which was still not finished..

so perhaps

our conversation
interrupted
by the dead zone

or
entering the dead zone
our conversation
hangs in mid air

hmmm - more percolating needed. Your thoughts are welcome.

Sangeet

1:56 PM  

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